Selfishness
Yesterday I had the overwhelming understanding of my own selfishness. I have been thinking strongly about the going-ons in my life, much of which has affected and/or altered my current path and focus in life. However, the whole time I went through (the stages of dying if you will) denial – this cannot happen, no way, all will pass. Anger – are you kidding me, why am “I” having all this going on, why am I so blah blah blah? Yesterday, I hit grief, not in the sense that I had expected however. This whole time that I have been selfishly thinking about myself, there are many others that have been around me with difficulties and struggles and all I could think about was myself. Then Pastor Ben reminded me that the reason we work, the reason we live is for God and God alone, I am not called to work purely for the monetary benefit, I am not called to love my husband because he is so dang cute and easy to love 
, I am not called to be in community because of what it will give me, I am called to do all to the glory of God! Somewhere along the lines I lost that focus, I lost that knowledge, however, it is the Truth! Truth is not something that is easy to hide from, but it sometimes easily forgotten. My prayer is that I become more consistently reminded of my role in this world, not for myself, but for Him alone. This will be a difficult journey, one that I will fail at tremendously, but since this is now written down, one that will not be as easily forgotten.
