Keeping up living while feeling like crying
So today I had my birthday. In some people’s lives, birthdays are a small event, one that can go without any recognition no problem. Maybe it is the issue that I have always had a summer birthday and never had any celebrations in school or anything that makes me love birthdays. I want to celebrate and celebrate with as many friends as possible.
This year was different. I wanted people to know it was by birthday because, quite frankly, it is exciting that I have been blessed to spend another year in God’s creation serving Him, and because, I am selfish (yes, those are in the same sentence). This year I had four great friends come and help me celebrate and a couple others throughout the week. When creating a facebook event (yes I did it) for the party, I began with the ones that I talked about the party with, then went through the list of names, I was amazed just how many friends I don’t have in Lincoln anymore. In fact, when the movie was over tonight, I finally mourned the loss of many of my friends to different states and countries. I know I have written about this before, but I am having a hard time fighting the desire to become a hermit and not reach out to make more friends in a city I have lived for six years. How do I still feel connected when all my connections leave? I am realizing just how much I rely on friends (and a husband) for feelings of importance and love. To a degree this is good, it is what we are made for, but ultimately it has no real value without significance being found in the one that gave me the gifts to begin with.
Really, I realized tonight, that a good friend is a rare gift, so to Elizabeth, Kira, Kim, Jamie, Melynda, the grad kids, and the rest of you that have left and left a piece of yourself in my life THANK YOU!!! I am forever indebted to your love and kindness, and I ask for prayer as I begin to search out new friendships in Lincoln, with the recognition that you all can never be replaced.
